Shambala Blog

October 2021

Soulmate v/s Twin Flame. Who is Meant to Stay Forever?

“Twin flames are two halves cut from the same whole.”

Whereas your soulmate is a person with whom you connect at a deeper, intimate level, they are very similar to you in many aspects but won’t be the same..” says Rachel, a counselor who has been practicing Spiritual Psychology for the past few decades.

“People often mistake soulmates to be restricted towards their significant others and twin flames for their adventurous relationships”

This is not true.


Who is a soulmate?


Your soulmate can be anyone, right from your best friend to your mentor, your sibling, or even more commonly seen in your intimate relationships.

A Soulmate, from a psychological point of view, is a person with whom you share a very deep and meaningful emotional, physical, and spiritual bond.

It’s the person whom you connect with not only on a conscious level, ie through shared intense eye contact, or can gauge their feelings through their tone of voice but also at an unconscious level.

It’s like you just know them, maybe because you have spent a considerable amount of time together, or maybe because you both have shared something important to you. 

Thus the bond is very pure and healthy and not toxic or too demanding.


What are Twinflames?


Rachel says that Twin flames are like Yin and Yang. The soul has masculine and feminine energy, they were initially part of the same soul but were cut off from each other. 

And now they lie restless and wander until they meet.

Do twin flames share some meaningful past or aspects? Like soulmates?

It is quite subjective, but here is a possibility that you two would share many quirks and hobbies, likes and dislikes. 

In many cases, twin flames have faced similar issues or problems in the past, for example, bullying, parental neglect, toxic partners, etc.

It’s the initial spark, as you meet them, you feel this instant jittery feeling of knowing this is “home

But as the initial attraction fades away, the next stage is for you both to face your worst fears.

Maybe you have this fear of commitment and your twin flame has a fear of losing the one they love, then this is where you would find yourself in a catch twenty-two situation, 

You either work upon your unhealed traumas 


You walk away from this relationship. 

People usually select the second option, for changing your past habits, resolving your inner conflicts takes a lot of time and also effort. 

But doesn’t this connection of Twin flame make both individuals obsessed with one another? 

People love the initial honeymoon phase that comes along with twin flame relationships but only a few take the additional step.

As for obsession, this is a human tendency to know more and more about a person, so much so that you would be thinking about them the entire day. 

That feeling is closely associated with Limerence, which a lot of people believe applies to twin flames too.

But being obsessed would mean you are not being productive or this love is hindering you from working upon yourself and your ambitions. 

The mere reason one meets their twin flame is so that you can become a better version of yourself as your twin points those out and forces you to see them.

They can push you to face your worst fears, your previously held assumptions, heal from your past wounds, etc. the one that you would not wish to come to par with.

So is there a likelihood that these twin flame, soulmate relationships could become messy and borderline unhealthy?

A lot of times, people believe that their overwhelming relationship with an emotionally toxic or emotionally unavailable partner is their twin flame relationship or soulmate one.

Relationships with a narcissist for example would often start on similar lines, with love bombing, but once the narcissist is done utilizing you for their own needs they shall look for ways to push you away.

In Twin flame relationships, there is a push and pull experience ie, there is a chaser (mostly the masculine energy) and a runner (the feminine one) though the same order does not need to be followed, at times it is reversed.

The reason why there is a chaser-runner relationship is that it is believed that one of the halves has understood the greater purpose and has evolved and is the one who often chases. The runner or the other half who is scared or too overwhelmed by their insecurities / past wounds.

Thus, twin flame relationships are seen to be on and off relationships, until the lessons are learned and the people involved  have understood the bond they share, they shall end up running into one another.

For soulmates, the connection is instant, almost on similar lines to twin flames. But soulmates are not as intense or overwhelming as twin flame relationships. 

Think of soulmates as bread and butter, they complement each other, whereas twin flames are like a part of the same bread loaf.

Thus, with soulmate relationships, you would have shared interests for the future, growth, security. They just “get” you.

Soulmate relationships are difficult to walk away from because you both have an intense need to be a part of each other’s life, but it won’t be in an obsessively unhealthy way, rather you would make sure you are a part of their life, either maybe by meeting every day or living together, etc.


Can a Twinflame be your soulmate? Or vice versa?


Nope, your twin flame cannot be your soulmate or vice versa.

Your twin flame is basically you, either an unhealed version or a healed one, whose purpose is to guide you to understand your true self, one that you kept running away from. 

Thus you both will aid each other or bring out the worst in each other, but there is always a chance that your twin could be constantly pinching those insecurities and you may or may not together work upon changing those aspects.

For a soulmate, you come “together, there is a feeling of “WE” you will make sure you encourage your soulmate to grow together, intellectually or emotionally.


So what are some misconceptions that people usually have about twin flames and soulmates?

People say that their pet can be their twin flame, their mentor could be their twin flame, which is not true.

Your twin flame is someone with whom you share intense sexual desires, share their greatest fears, apprehensions, joy, etc. 

There is profound sexual desire, almost as though it needs to be fulfilled.

With your twin flame, you are bound to come together with them for your union is destined to bring a change mostly for a greater purpose. 

Your job there is to heal, to become a better version of yourself, and grow as an individual.

For soulmates, there is a misconception that there can only be one true “ Soulmate” forever in your life. 

But that is simply not true, you can have more than one soulmate connection.

But would that mean if they meet once they are more likely to stay forever?

“Nope, think of twin flames as seeing yourself in the mirror. There is a chance you would first feel there is nothing wrong or that everything is good. 

But as you look deeper into this mirror you would be able to see all those insecurities, your deepest fears, anxieties, coming out into action.

It would be almost very turbulent and a difficult journey.

One that usually does not last that long but it is a relationship that would teach you many important aspects about your own self. 


Its intensity is such that it forces you to either change those negative aspects about yourself and heal away from your past wounds, or you either run away and never look back.

A Lot of times people end up getting back in there on and off twin flame relationship, this would be too tiring.


It either means you are healing from your past wounds or you are either ignorant about them.


Thus as you cannot stand in front of the mirror your entire life, you may or may not always end up with your twin flame.

For soulmates, however, it has been observed that they do last.

Since it includes platonic relationships, friendships, your BFF too could be your soulmate. Thus it is likely that once you both are attuned with each others vibe and can easily communicate anything and everything with them, it automatically makes them an essential part of your life,

This bond that you share is very peculiar to you both alone.

Thus, in the soulmate V/S Twin Flame battle, it’s more likely the Soulmate who wins the race.

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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

What exactly is People Pleasing? Is it going out of your way to help someone? Is it being kind and respectful to people? No. It only qualifies as people-pleasing when you put other people’s needs before yours. When you put yourself down so that others can rise up.

What happens when you become a people pleaser?

You begin compromising your values to please people. Let’s take this example, you’re at a hangout with your friend group and everyone is taking shots. You know very well that you don’t take alcohol but you stay quiet and decide to take the shot anyway. You ended up compromising the values that had probably taken you years of cultivation for friends whose last name you probably don’t know.

People-pleasing also makes you vulnerable to being misused and being a pushover. If people keep crossing your boundaries and you do nothing about it, they’ll keep pushing it further and further until the boundaries are non-existent. An idea about you also forms in their minds that you are nothing but a doormat.

In the worst-case scenario, being a people pleaser may lead you into debt. Let me elaborate. Say a friend calls you up and asks for some money stating that it is an emergency. At the back of your mind, you know this friend has a bad history of not returning borrowed money. They try to plead with you and cave in and go digging the required money from your savings.

Chances are, the friend will keep coming back, and slowly but surely you will stagnate your financial growth and pave your way to poverty.

Now that we’ve pointed out the implications of being a people pleaser, how do we change this for the better?

How to Use Manifestation to Stop being a People Pleaser.

Identify the reason you’re constantly seeking approval.

There won’t be a sufficient enough solution unless we grab the bull by its horns and tackle the problem. If we pull out the bandage, will we find a wound inflicted on you when you were younger that made you believe that you were not enough?

Were you constantly seeking your parents’ approval but never seemed to get it? Did you get bullied as a child or as a young teen for being different from your peers? Are you scared that people will leave you if you don’t conform to their needs?

Write it down on paper and Meditate.

Grab a pen and paper and write down at least three reasons why you’re a people pleaser and what you think turned you into one.

After that, meditate and reflect on the contents of the paper.

Albert Einstein said,
“Imagination is everything, it is the preview of life’s coming attractions.”

So remember that there is no habit too strong to break and that anything you can visualize you can make a reality.

Set up regimes that will help you get rid of this bad habit

After finding out the reason for your people-pleasing lifestyle and habit, the next step is to actively set up measures and ways of curbing this. These are some of the regimes you can use.

Living by the 3 F’s

If someone is not Feeding you, Financing you, or F***ing you, you don’t need to pay them any mind. This strategy in itself has saved me countless headaches and overthinking episodes.

One can never be fully immune to the opinions of others but living by these three F’s ensures you only pay attention to the opinions of those who matter.

There is a famous quote that says, the croaking of frogs doesn’t prevent cows from drinking water. Therefore let the other people’s judgments and opinions fly past you.

Filtering out the advice that comes in.

Now we have identified the 3 F’s we can move on with this next point.

Realize that people, even within the 3 F’s, will try and tell you what your life should look like and what to do with it. Learn to sieve the bad that may bring you down and be left with good advice and constructive criticism.

A bitter pill to swallow is, not everyone you hold dear wants you to succeed. Not all your family members and friends wish you the best. Keep your eyes and ears open in order to identify the advice that is good for you versus the one that will ensure you never surpass them.

Build up your self-esteem

This might just be the most important factor. With high self-esteem, you don’t need people to approve of you. They don’t need to approve of the clothes you wear, the kind of job you do, where you choose to live, or who you choose as a spouse.

This frees you from their suffocating grip that seeks to squeeze the joy out of your life.

Not taking everything personally.

This is something that I had to learn. I could easily be offended by even the slightest things and jokes.

I remember the exact moment I had an epiphany. I had just got a compliment from a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She looked admiringly at me and said I looked nice. This was right after another friend of mine had given me a disapproving glare regarding my quarantine weight gain. On my way home, I thought back and realized the latter girl had actually gained even more than I did during quarantine. Then it hit me, she was projecting her insecurities on me.

I realized that not everything is black and white and people are constantly projecting their insecurities on others just so they could feel better about themselves. So don’t take anything personally and remember it’s not you but them.

Learning to say No.

A lot of us have a hard time saying no. It doesn’t mean that you are selfish or that you don’t care about the other person. Saying no is a way of establishing healthy boundaries and ensuring that they aren’t crossed.

Here are various ways of saying no:

No, I can’t make it, I’m spending some time with my kids/spouse.
Can we have a raincheck?
I’ll come another time.
No thank you but have a great time
No, I need “me time.”

Believe in the manifestation.

None of this will work unless you believe. Unless you affirm your heart that you are indeed capable of receiving love and giving it sans manipulation. Until you understand that who you are is enough and turning people down is not a crime.

Thad Brown, the Chief executive officer of Harris Blitzer Sports & Entertainment, tweeted this earlier this month.

“Josh said early in his career, he’d be more a people pleaser with the game plan. If the coach wanted it, he’d find a way to make it work. Now: “If I don’t love it, we’re not running it.”

This is an example showing that when you stop being a people pleaser, you take back the power you had freely given to them. Power over your decisions, your peace of mind, and even your finances.

In the end, you’ll lose friends and people close to you but just be glad they’re gone. They only wanted to use you and are shocked that you won’t let them do that anymore. But as a door closes, another opens. You’ll find people who see your value and worth. Take back the power today and use manifesting to get rid of the people-pleasing nature. Best of luck!

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How to use Manifestation to be more present in everything you do

Most if not all of us start our day by planning for it. We are aware of the tasks that are needed to be done and we go ahead to allocate time to them. The most important tasks get high priority and are given more time than the least important.

Let’s take a look at John and how he begins his day. John wakes up at 6am and heads into the shower. As he freshens up, he actively plans his day in his mind. He needs to be at the office by 9am, submit a work proposal by 1pm which he’s to finish before the lunch date with his wife at noon. In the afternoon he has more work till 5pm when he gets off work.

John is very punctual, he settles in the office ten minutes to 9 and pulls out the files he is to work on. About five minute in, he remembered that he hadn’t checked his email yet. There is a new monitor he ordered and he can’t wait for it to arrive. He checks, sees that it will arrive in the afternoon, smiles and goes back to work. 

Just when he was getting into the groove, his phone buzzed up. It’s Eli, his best friend. John picks it up from the desk and opens the message, it’s a meme. 

They say that laughter is medicine for the soul, he’s starting his day on a good high right? He decides to send one of his own and then excuses himself. It’s now half past 9 O’clock. 

‘There’s still time! Even for an espresso,’ he convinces himself.

One thing leads to another and the coffee is ready in 15 minutes, it’s now 9:45. John settles down, puts his phone away and gets to work. By the time he’s looking up, it’s half past 11, he’s only halfway through.

It’s too late to rain check with his wife, so he decides to carry his files with him to the restaurant.

What will happen when his wife arrives and he keeps checking his files throughout lunch? Will she feel neglected? Unimportant? Disappointed. Yes, yes and yes.

For the longest time possible I used to be like John. Getting easily distracted, never quite finishing the things I was to on time and having them spill over to time I had allocated to myself and my loved ones. 

What resulted was that whenever I was with them, I kept thinking about that one task I was to do and my eyes kept looking at the clock. I ended up losing a few friends who thought I saw them as unimportant as I was never truly present.

That was until I stumbled upon a Mindvalley MasterClass on Focus by Nir Eya.  A program that seeks to help those who struggle with procrastination and distractions that lead to one not being fully present.

So,what exactly does it mean to not be ‘fully present?’ 

Being easily distracted as you do a task resulting in being inefficient and using up more time. It also could be that your mind wanders whenever you’re with a loved one and they can tell you’re not paying attention to them.

Let’s dive in deeper and find out how we can use manifestation to be fully present and curb all these. 

How to use manifestation to become fully present. 

  1. Acknowledge that you get distracted and then master your internal triggers.

The first step is to accept it. Accept that you do get distracted and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are a lot of things that call for our attention on a daily basis. In fact a recent study revealed that 83% of Americans feel overwhelmed by all these distractions.

The next step is to identify the internal triggers that cause us to lose focus. In each awake moment, our brains are busy processing information and thoughts. Internal triggers come to us as ulterior thoughts and feelings. E.g John’s sudden urge to get coffee right in the middle of writing a proposal, zoning out and thinking about other things etc.

Once you are able to identify them, you become aware of when they occur and your mind automatically redirects your thoughts away from them and back to what you were doing.


  1. Identify the external triggers

External triggers are things in our direct environment that call for our attention. This may be your social media notifications, loud music or even noise. Sometimes your loved ones can serve as a distraction. Say you’re working from home and a friend pops up unannounced. Chances are you’ll be forced to get off work to keep them company.

How can you prevent this from occurring again? By setting clear boundaries with the people around you. When you’re working they should not disturb you unless it’s a life and death situation.

For noise distractions, you could find someplace quiet to work and for social media, you could turn off all the notifications right before you start working.

  1. Prevent distraction with pacts.

A pact can be termed as an agreement. For this case the agreement is between yourself. You promise to spend X amount of time doing task A without getting distracted. When you succeed, you reward yourself.

This is not just for work but can also be used in your personal time. Set time aside for some cozy moments with your wife and organize play dates with your children. Be actively present by being aware of your surroundings, and focusing on the ones you’re with for the time you are together. Afterwards you could reward yourself with a bar of chocolate or a luxurious long bath.

  1. Making time for tractions

Traction refers to the time you plan to waste. The wheels in your brain are probably turning asking Huh, aren’t we supposed to not waste time? But let’s be honest, we can’t spend all 24 hours of the day being productive. We need regular breaks to re-energise and come back stronger. 

Tractions can include an afternoon nap, bingeing a netflix series or gaming with friends. You just have to intentionally plan for it. 

As Libran John Lennon noted,

“Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time.”

Last but not least, set aside some time to meditate. You could do this while sitted the floor or even as you take a walk. 

Benefits of being fully present.

  • You are able to learn more. Being more present enables you to absorb more information as your mind is 100% focused on the task at hand.
  • Improved Efficiency. You’ll be able to finish work quickly while doing it well. Therefore you have extra time for traction and to enjoy the good things in life. You know what they say, all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl. 
  • Reduces Anxiety. This occurs when you are able to avoid unnecessary pressures and anxieties of trying to meet deadlines. You will have peace of mind knowing that you have finished the tasks with even less time than your colleagues. 
  • Improves your relationships. It’s no secret that everyone has the desire to be heard. We all want to feel that we matter and by giving someone your 100% attention, you bring out this desire in them. They in turn feel closer to you and trust you more. This improves the quality of your relationship with them.

Happy manifesting!

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