Shambala Blog

December 2021

inner child

Listen to Your Inner Child

When you hear the word, Inner child, you are more likely to think of it as a bygone past memory. The kid version of you, was that part that was playful, naughty, carefree and very cheerful. We trust and believe everything that has been told to us, whether good or bad and that’s how we are later shaped as adults. 

Now here comes the tricky part, as kids, we were so guileless that anything our elders, teachers, close people, etc. told us, we were quick to accept. This is where we slowly start pushing away our inner child. For weren’t we told that now we need to act like an adult? Act like a big girl/ boy. child playing kite

And now as “Adults” certain situations trigger us into acting like the childish version of ourselves.

Then we question yourself, why am I acting like a child?

This is where listening to your inner child will actually help.

So how does one listen to what the inner child is actually trying to communicate?

Your inner child  does try ways to communicate to you, but you have never actually paid attention to it, wanna know how?

Have you ever observed that there are certain situations under which your mind or your body just froze, you are flooded with angry or negative thoughts, wish to run away, etc.?

Yet you as an adult, do not realise why this particular mundane situation is provoking such strong reactions from you?

That’s your inner child, trying to communicate with you. dreams

Understanding and listening to your inner child requires you to also pay attention to your past childhood needs, wants and desires.

Here are a few questions to start off with to know how to listen, start point.

  • Were your emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual needs met, when you were growing up? 
  • Were you able to truly express your thoughts, wants and desires in a non judgemental way?
  • Were you given the liberty to fully pursue your hobby, spend time doing things you loved the most?

If you have answered No, to either of the questions, then you have found your start point into this inner child journey.

These are the ways in which you can listen to your Inner Child :

  • Acknowledge your inner child’s presence:

To be able to listen to your inner child, the first prerequisite is that you need to ACKNOWLEDGE his/ her presence in your life.

Understand that your inner child functions like any other kid or child. 

They just need  you to tell them that you are paying attention to their needs, wants, desires, likes, dislikes. That you will listen to what they have to say, wont ignore their naive or novel demands, like the other “Adults” have been doing. They need to know that you will value them, if they make a mistake won’t scold them.

Ask yourself or observe this, the next time you make a mistake unknowingly,

What’s the first thing you end up saying to yourself?

Ah, Shit, why am I so dumb!?

That’s where you are indirectly scolding your inner child for their mistake.  

Most of the time, our self talk is not our talk with our own self, but rather a mixture of all the bad remarks adults have told us and what we later carried forward too.

So the next time, you observe that you have been acting rudely with your inner child, pause, say sorry to the inner child. Learn to acknowledge that he/ she is also scared and just needs some support. That’s why you are here. 

  • Practise talking to your Inner child : 

To be able to talk to your inner child,

First you take a picture of yours, from your childhood album.  You can go and sit back in a relaxing place that is quiet and silent. You can either just lie down or sit back comfortably.

Next, before you close your eyes, look at the picture of yourself. Look at the picture carefully, you are going to meet the same kid.

Now as you close your eyes, imagine reaching out to or meeting your inner child for the first time.  

How do you feel he/ she will react? Will they be happy, sad, shy, laidback? Imagine meeting them at a favourite spot, you had, as a kid. You are free to imagine how their first reaction would be to you.

Next, try asking what would he/she like from this adult version of you?

Do you feel they would need some form of support? Acceptance? Need more of “Me” time, play time? Wanna explore more hobbies? Asking the kid and imagining the conversation itself, will make you feel light and get more in touch with your inner child’s wishes.

  • Write a letter to your inner child:

The next way in which you can listen to your inner child is, by writing them a letter.  A very common  first reaction would be, what do I say, how do I acknowledge him or her, how do I go about? writing a letter

It’s simple, firstly give your inner child a cute pet name or refer to them as something you would like to call them. A friend of mine named her inner child “Nemo” for she truly wished to connect and listen to what her inner lost nemo had to say.

In the letter, you can pour out every emotion, expression that you feel you had not experienced as a kid. And let them know that it was not their fault that they were neglected, ignored, bullied, laughed at.

Next you would like to say that now you are here. You will be the adult who will accept them and honour their wishes and desires. You will not leave them. They are worthy of love and affection, which is exactly what you shall provide.

After all, all the inner child really wants you to listen to is, to accept them, don’t ignore them, feed them and let them be silly!

  • Do the things you loved to do as a kid

My childhood may be over, but that doesn’t mean playtime is.” Ron Olson. I completely agree with this statement. Your inner child may or maynot actively talk to you, but once you are more mindful about your own routine or actions, it gets easier to listen to your inner child. Pay attention to the things that made you happy or lively as a kid. 

Whilst “Adulting” we tend to ignore the things that made us excited, that made us lively, maybe it meant chasing those butterflies or collecting seashells, do whatever makes you smile as brightly as the rainbows!

  • Do the thing that pushes your inner child out of its comfort zone:

Now I know you would think that why would I want to push my inner child out of its comfort zone? It will run away and hide and never communicate, but that’s not always the case.

When you try something even as small as, riding on a rollercoaster ride alone, which scared you as a kid. You are allowing a safe space for your inner child to come par with its fears and show them that it’s not that scary as it seems to be. Our fear associated with trying something new and the actual outcome are usually at opposing heights.

 Thus doing this will your inner child speak to you again and try out new adventurous things in life! After all, the child just wants to explore and feel safe at the same time.

This will make you even more lively and try out even more exciting things in life.


Listening to your inner child might feel like an impossible task in the beginning, but once you slowly accept your own childish hues, you shall see that your inner child will aid you to an even fruitful tomorrow!

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self compassion

How to Practice Self-Compassion Without Feeling Selfish

For God knows it is good to give; 

We may not have so long to live, 

So if we can, 

Let’s do each day a kindly deed, 

And stretch a hand to those in need, 

Bird, beast or man.

– Robert William Service.

We have often grown up with the idea that compassion is what we ought to serve and show towards others in our life. 

So, if you were to ever think that you would too like to be cared for, cherished and respected the same way that you treat others, you would be puzzled. 

You would feel it is not the right thing to do.

Because you have been pre programmed since childhood, you must put others’ needs and wishes first, be at their service. Your own feelings and emotions come last in this hierarchical base.


But this is why you are here to change that pattern.

By practicing self-compassion you will accept that there are some weak points that you would need to work upon, you will thus try to be a more progressive version of yourself.

When you work towards growing to be a more healthier and healed version of yourself, you allow yourself to fully feel loved and appreciated.




Your own compassion will aid you into this beautiful journey of Self compassion : 

When you say you feel compassion towards others, that means you can fully feel what all hardships they would have undergone or seen in  life. And that you are there by their side to lessen this suffering by providing your unconditional support to them. By showing them respect and acceptance you show your compassion to them.

This is exactly what you need to do to yourself too.


Look within, you are worthy too.

Suppose, your wife comes to you sharing her sadness. She has lost her job, due to some impulsive mistake from the organization.

So what is it that you are more likely to do?

Simple, you are first going to hug her tight, tell her that it’s okay, no biggie, jobs come and go, she will find something more amazing in the future. You are likely to put on your shoes and take her for her favourite dinner.

Then my question to you is,  why is it that when you face a similar situation like this, you fail to acknowledge all of you previous hard work? And be there by your own side?

Why is it that for your trivial mistakes or silly decisions, the first thing that comes to your mind is negativity?

Realize that the level of empathy and acceptance you are showing towards others, the love you keep showering them with, comes from within. And unless you yourself do not give the same acceptance and love  to you, how will you be able to shower the same to others?

As Rumi once correctly said, you cannot love others, unless you love yourself.

Look Within, you are worthy too.


Try Tonglen Meditation. 

This form of meditation was developed thousands of years ago, by a Buddhist monk. The main idea behind it lies in the way we channel our compassion into creating something more beautiful.


During this meditation process, your main focus like the mindful meditation is to be aware of your inhale and exhales. 

Here’ s the interesting part. 

As you inhale, you take in the pain, in its pure raw form and you let it become a part of you. 

Let this pain, these negative self-talk, criticism you show yourself, reach towards the core of your heart, wherein you shall now send love and compassion to yourself.

Next as you exhale, with the long breath, you imagine that you are sending unconditional love and care towards that pain.

It’s the same way you would for your loved one, but right now, you are in need of the same.

Begin your days on a compassionate note 

I had read this somewhere, that the way you begin your day, plays a crucial role as to how your entire day would go. Try beginning your day thus, with words of compassion. It will be in the same way you greet your best friend or family members or significant other. happy family

Here are a few you can try practising:

  • Today is a beautiful day…” I will try my best to enjoy it to the fullest”
  • I will try my best to be kind to myself today
  • I will give my best today, not thinking about the bad consequences.
  • I will be a stronger version of myself, as I get ready to face the day.
  • I will be a happier version of myself today knowing that I am enough.

Conclusion :

Lastly, as the famous quote says,You’ve been criticising yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens next?

I think that’s all I would like to say and it’s for you to try.


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letting go

How to Stop Living in the Past, and Live from Today?

I recently came across this quote by Eckhart Tolle from my pinterest and I think that is what gave me the idea to share my intake on the topic. The quote goes something like this” “The past has no power over the present moment.” 

So why is it that we often find ourselves rummaging over the same past events like listening to the same song over and over again, until we are tired of it, yet we cannot let it go, for it was our favourite at some point in time?

There was one beautiful thing that was told by someone very close to me, when I shared how I was having difficulty in letting a particular past event leave me.

She told me, the reason why I was constantly haunted by the same past thought, is because I was carrying it upon my shoulders. Aiding it, supporting it all the time, nurturing it, not cutting it away from me.

The result?

That simple, unharmful thought had become so permanent inside me, that anything new, it rejected the idea of that. 

I was finding it difficult to accept anything new that was told to me, for I kept asking, revisiting this thought. And once she pointed out that I realised how maladaptive that thought actually was.

That’s what your past does to you.

letting go

It hinders your capability to fully live in the present, rather like a bog you shall be engulfed into the past, those memories, the feeling, emotions, etc.

‘So how do you stop that and start living in the present?

I am present here in the moment:

Well this was told to me by the same friend, she said every time I felt I was going to get carried away into revisiting my past and then feeling all kinds of heart aches, weird feelings inside my stomach etc.

I should pause, 

Then mentally list aloud the above things:

  • 2 things I can see / observe in my immediate environment 
  • 1 thing can hear in the background
  • 1 thing I can feel, i.e, my jacket resting upon my arms.
  • 1 thing I can taste.
  • 1 thing that I can smell.

This exercise is used by many psychologists as a way of getting their client’s focus back to present.

Thus, this way, you will be more in touch with what is happening around you and not get carried away by rumination.

The present is all you have, use it wisely :

By the time you finish reading the headline, and reach towards this particular line, that headline has already become a spur moment of the past. 

Start enjoying the gift of this present moment. 

Make the most out of it, even though it’s as small as smiling at yourself every time you look past a mirror, feeling the warmth of the sun even though it’s for brief seconds. 

After all happiness lies in those fleeting moments of the present.

Stop wandering, start living.

A study conducted by Harvard University, showcased how there was an indirect relationship between your mind wandering and your happiness.

Thus the more your mind wanders to your past or other unimportant things, the more you are likely to feel unhappy and vice versa. 

Every time you feel your curious Alice of a mind has gone on a journey to her wonderland, call out yourself, by doing something else, either taking a deep breath.

Or do a stretch. 

While doing that make sure you are giving full attention to that stretch, or even getting up to take coffee or water or a loo break. 

A simple activity such as washing your hand with soap can help your mind stop wandering.

Just pay attention to the way the foam feels in between your fingers, those bubbles, feel how relaxing that task is, when you wash your hands with fresh water.

Focus upon the sensations, voices, smell, present in the environment.

We are so dependent upon our autopilot mode that we are either planning for the future or learning to be better than our past. But what about the present moments?

They have become like dandelions, one moment they are here, the next, we try to catch them, alas they are a distant memory of the past.

Thus, as you pause, and allow yourself to observe or listen to the melody or tune of the environment, you become more happy and more in tune with your own mind. 

Here’s a little activity you can try :

Try smelling a flower, looking at its beautiful natural colors, soft petals, the next time you are out for a walk by the garden.

Engage your mind’s attention:

To learn how to live in the exact moment seems like a simple task, but it requires a very efficient commitment towards being mindful. The easiest way to get mindful is through breathing in and breathing out. You can either try pranayam, or love kindness meditation, this way, you will allow yourself to be present.

Allow yourself to be in the moment, not out there witnessing galloping trails of thoughts.  

Conclusion :

Lastly, as my favourite character from my favourite movie once quoted, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,  and today is a gift.

That’s why they call it a present” Go ahead, enjoy your present moment to its fullest, for you will never get it twice!


Related Blogs

10 Ways to Quiet Your Mind Each Day

Do you find yourself constantly ruminating about some recent past event or mistake?

Do you feel that you are unable to accomplish a few tasks because you are not “in your zone”?

Have people commented that you seem scattered and not yourself, lately?

If you have answered yes, to any of these questions then you have come to the right place to quiet your mind.

Now to explain the working of our human mind, you can take an example of a sponge.

The sponge soaks all the water that surrounds itself, we humans too most of the time, end up soaking the thought, vibes, and energy of those who surround us. 

Do you know what happens when the sponge soaks more than its capacity? 

Firstly, it becomes, heavy

Secondly it starts to leak.

So what is the ideal way to let go of the excess?

Simple, you make sure that if it gets heavy then drain the access so that it has proportional level of water, ie, it soaks up to its potential. 

In a similar way, your racing thoughts too, contribute to feeling ”heaviness” and this makes it impossible for you to accomplish the task at hand. how to quiet your mind

The way one leaks here is, if you are doing a task, you would see that you have committed many mistakes or you are taking too much time to accomplish the task. 

Thus, once you acknowledge that you are having racing thoughts, are experiencing stress related to some future event or are engaging in rumination of past events, half of the job of quieting your mind has been achieved.

The important point is to be AWARE that your mind is working more than its capacity and then my friend we work upon quieting it.

Why is quieting your mind necessary?

If you do not then it starts interfering with your work performance, with your relationship. With a cluttered mind you will also find it impossible to fall asleep quickly or feel tired.

As Maria Konnikva rightly said, the most powerful mind is a quiet mind. It is the mind that is present, reflective, mindful of its thoughts and state.  It does not always multitask, but when it does, it does it with a purpose.

So here are ten effective ways in which you can quiet your mind everyday!

  1. Stop. Breathe. Repeat. 

By breathing I do not mean one that you are doing right now. This is so natural and automatic that you were not even aware of it, until you read this sentence, which is exactly what you have to do.

Remember how kids stick a cartoon label or sticker on almost everything right from their books to their folder, bags, etc? 

You can do the same thing, but in place of funky stickers, you can opt for a simple dot sticker, on the things you do. 

Say you have a habit of getting up for coffee every three hours or so, this is where you can stick the sticker upon the coffee mug.

This will serve as a reminder that every time you see this sticker, you are supposed to take three or four deep breaths. 

This will help you relax in the moment and be present in the moment. Go on and add these stickers to the everyday objects, eg, refrigerator, novel, diary.

2. Take a power nap!

A quick fifteen minute power nap is seen to be beneficial to calm down racing thoughts or to help charge up the body and the brain. A word of caution, try the focused breathing exercise, ie, focusing upon your inheration and exhilaration, while you take the nap. This will help you to ignore those unwanted recurring thoughts. You will truly feel recharged after the nap.

3. Be Mindful in the everyday things you do:

As one of the famous sayings goes, BE MINDFUL EVEN IF YOUR MIND IS FULL. 

A few everyday things  that we engage almost automatically include:

  • Walking from home to the office or to the station.
  • Typing on the keyboard
  • Checking, replying back to emails
  • Attending calls or greeting a client or guest, etc. 

how to quiet your mindMost of the time, our response and our engagement in them is quite automatic. 

Thus we do not pay attention to the way in which  “WE” accomplished the task/ activity.

Thus, next time you engage in any of the tasks,  observe how efficiently you have done it, and while performing the task, be present to your own bodily sensation, your breath, the other person’s response, listen actively, smile, etc. These will aid you to be present rather than doing them with an absent mind.

4. Get your jumbled thoughts upon paper :

This is what I do everytime I find myself getting affected by my racing thoughts.

I put them down on a piece of paper or write them in my diary. 

So, when you write anything on  paper, you are entirely focused on that writing activity. It helps you understand what it is that you are feeling, that is making your mind feel uneasy.

That way if you see that there are some recurrent thoughts or feelings that come up always, then you know which aspect you need to work on.

5. Go out and experience the colors of nature!

Nature has the solution to most of our problems. Thus anytime you feel worked up or stressed by the racing thoughts, go out for a walk to the nearest park, beach, etc.

While you are walking listen to those birds chirping, feel the wind touching your face. 

When you walk, observe the surroundings, if there is grass nearby, then try walking on the cool grass barefoot. This will help you feel rejuvenated! how to quiet your mind

6. Meet and communicate with an actual friend / human:

Ever since the outbreak of pandemic, there has been a significant increase in people experiencing anxiety and stress.

 This was mostly because they were unable to contact their close or loved ones or physically present with them. 

So a way you can decrease your anxiety and calm your mind, in case you feel it’s getting too much, talking to an actual human being helps. 

This is because, firstly, our thoughts may not always be correct about everything that we are thinking. 

Secondly when you meet the person, suppose your friend, you will be able to share your thoughts more clearly and can vent easily, rather than writing them down or keeping them with yourself.

7. Watch or read something different:

 So suppose you are stressed about the upcoming meeting with some foreign clients. You do not want to mess anything up, thus you keep rechecking the meeting room, your notes, the ppt, etc. This will make the situation worse. You will get more stressed.

In a situation like this, firstly stop!

And watch a two minute video of something funny, say Mr Bean, that would help you relax.

Or you can just meditate for 5 mins, before actually meeting the client or entering the meeting hall.

Or have some water and sit back on an empty chair and day dream that the meeting went amazing and they loved your presentation.

(PS: Daydreaming is linked with increased levels of creativity and is a sign of intelligence!) 

8. Make a Gratitude list :

When was the last time you were grateful for the things you have in life, right now?

 Did the question make you fumble?

If yes, then now is the right time to start practising a “gratitude list”, ie, things you are grateful for.

My gratitude list includes being grateful for such a supportive family, loving kids and a kind S.O. And I am also grateful that I have a healthy functioning body that aids me to work. These are small things if you see, but it’s always the small things that matter the  most.

9. Listen to relaxing music:

Research has shown that listening to relaxing music, such as the sound of flute or the sound of rain or waterfall, etc, have been found to have a calming effect upon our brain. By listening to them, the brain’s meditative state is activated, which then releases more dopamine into our system. Dopamine is nothing but the hormone that makes us feel calm and happy!

So, next time you wish to quiet your mind, try to listen to some relaxing music, or any mild instrumental music. 

10. Make your own morning mantra.

Morning mantra routine is no rocket science. It simply means that as soon as you get up, you shall remind yourself that today’s day will be good and you will achieve all the tasks that you have thought of. how to quiet your mind

You can make your own morning mantra, here are some examples:

  • Today I feel empowered knowing that I get mentally stronger with each new day. 
  • Today I am happy to see that I am working towards my goal in life.
  • Today I will say “YES” to all the things that make “ME” happy
  • Today I will say “NO” to the things that I do not wish to do, or make me “UNHAPPY”


Life will always give you many things to worry about, to stress about. There are times wherein you shall get affected by these and you shall experience chaos within. But there is always a ray of hope that shines brightly waiting to be found. Go ahead and find that light of yours, your centre of calm. You shall achieve it. For once you calm your mind, your soul shall guide you to the path of light!

Related Blogs

How to Let Go of Anger

Budhha had once correctly stated that holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, but you are the one who gets burned.

So what is anger?

Anger is a basic human feeling that is as natural as other feelings, such as happiness, sadness, joy, etc. 

Most of the time it is seen as destructive or threatening to oneself and others as well. This is because history has been a witness, in the fit of anger rulers have attacked other kingdoms only to watch their own fall back to dust.

The reason why there is a build up of anger  is due to two factors:

  •  One is due to your unexpressed feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc. upon some topic. This keeps getting built up.
  • The next are the environmental factors, such as some triggers in the immediate environment. 

For example, your partner refuses to communicate with you upon matters that are important to you. 

He shrugs it off every time you try to bring it to their notice. Now you would feel bad that they are doing so, but you fail to communicate that verbally. 

The result then is that one day when he laughs off the same topic, you are bound to burst out and get angry at him.

So is anger always bad?

Anger is not always seen as a bad emotion especially in regards to expressing your concern with standing up for yourself or the rights of others.

For eg, to say that the anger of African Americans during the time they were treated incorrectly solely upon their race, would be a stupid thing to assume.

 This form of anger is channelized in an acceptable way that it shall be used to benefit not only yourself (for standing against unjust treatment) but also others.

As Maya Angelou once correctly pointed out,

‘If you’re not angry then you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. And you use that anger, yes. You write it You paint it. You dance it. You march it, You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it’

Thus this kind of anger was used as a form of expression, not as a force of destruction.

When does anger become dangerous?

Anger can be dangerous when it hinders you from expressing what you want to, ie, it stops you from expressing your discontent or dislike. When you feel you are holding yourself too much from speaking about something, as seen in the example above. 

Think of a balloon, and the air you fill in it are the unexpressed thoughts and feelings. The more you are unable to express it, the more you are filling this balloon with air until it bursts by its capacity to intake that much air.

Anger can also become dangerous if:

  • If you find yourself getting into constant arguments or getting irritated with your partner, your family, friends, or office peers.
  • You are getting carried away by your impulses, ie, a small argument and you lose your temper.
  • Every time you feel frustrated about some situation or yourself, you tend to indulge in acts that could harm you or people near you.
  • You are unable to express your real feelings and this is making you feel very angry inside.

The reason why unexpressed anger can be a major cause of worry is that, if anger is left inside and not expressed in a healthy way, then there is a major chance you could be a threat to yourself and others.

Anger also leads to higher levels of hypertension, high blood pressure, and an increase in getting cardiovascular diseases. 

This is especially true for people who are unable to express their anger. People whose jobs are too stressful, for example, military personnel, bankers, health professionals, etc do complain how they are unable to express their anger in an appropriate manner.

As a Chinese Proverb has correctly mentioned, if you are patient in one moment of anger then you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. 

So let’s look at ways in which you can let go of your anger/deal with your anger in the correct form. 

Try to indulge in some physical Activity : 

This is the first thing you might have heard people say or do, every time they feel angry or feel a build of anger. 

Catharsis has indeed found it to be helpful to relieve you of symptoms of anger if you are looking for a short-term solution. But if you wish to let go of your anger, slowly, and find a way to deal with it effectively, then start exercising.

Do not immediately wear your running shoes and start running or take part in boxing classes. Take on a physical activity which you would enjoy as well.

Research has shown that running or even doing some kind of physical activity that would make you sweat or would exhaust you, will help you relieve symptoms of build-up.


If you are not a serious runner or jogger, then you can try some home exercises, such as a few sit-ups, planks, crunches, etc.

Express, Suppress and be calm:

This is the universally accepted way of dealing with anger. It means that one should be assertive in the way one communicates their feelings. You do not have to be passive or too aggressive about it, rather be assertive. 

An example would be, suppose you are out for an office party and everyone in your circle is drinking and you know that you do not drink.

 So when your colleague offers you a drink:

A passive reply would be, “Well, I don’t drink, but no worries, I will give it a try.

An aggressive response would be, “I don’t drink, why  are you offering this to me!?

An assertive one would be, “No, thank you, I do not drink”

The reason why this technique will help you is that if you are unable to voice your disagreement, you would resort to passive aggressiveness or would start acting in a hostile manner. Thus it is always better to be clear about what you want.

Suppressing means that you hold on to the anger that you would currently be feeling and then release it healthily or reasonably, rather than lashing out immediately.

Lastly, when you can assertively express your anger and can suppress it, and then channelize it in a better direction you will experience a feeling of calm.

 This means that you cannot only manage the way you react to external objects but it also means that you can regulate your internal way of looking at things that angers you. 

Retreat, Rethink and then React.

We cannot direct the wind while we are sailing, but we can adjust our sails, according to the winds. In the same way, we know that there are some things that people do that would make us angry, but that does not mean we have a right to hurt them or hurt ourselves too in the process. 

Thus, we can always make readjustments in the way we react whenever we are getting angry. 

So the next time you feel you are getting angry, 

Take a few steps back and stop doing whatever you would be doing. The reason why you need to retreat is so that you can calm yourself a bit and not make some impulsive mistake out of anger. 

It’s always okay to take some time and get yourself away from the situation so that you can rethink a better way to deal with the same situation. 

And then when you have found a better plan or way to deal with the situation you react.

Ask questions:

“Whenever there is anger there is some pain underneath” 

Identify what you feel angry about because maybe there is something that has hurt you or that keeps troubling you, you can do so by asking yourself a question. 

Here are a few ideal questions to help you.

  • What made me angry in the first place? (identify the trigger points)
  • Who is this person that made me angry? (identify the person, people attached)
  • Why am I angry? (identify the cause/ root )
  • What do I do about this anger building up in me? (come up with some actual solution to deal with it)
  • Where can I channelize my anger? (exercising, running, exhausting yourself)

Plan your Strategy:

Now the answers that you will get for the above-mentioned question, will help you focus on letting go of the anger that you have been holding. 

For eg, let’s say you realized that every time you are back from the office, tired, your wife makes it a point to start cribbing about how she starts immediately cribbing about how shitty that boss of hers is. You are already tired and worked up with your own work-life.

So, you will either tell her to shut up or ignore her. This will damage your relationship in the long term and also hurts your wife’s sentiments.

Instead, next time you feel the same way she is cribbing about her work life, ask her to pause, and kindly tell her you would like to quickly freshen yourself up. This way you are then ready for her rant. In this way, you will buy yourself some time to retreat and rethink and then react to your trigger points.

Learn some relaxation techniques:

Whenever you are feeling angry, it is very easy to lose your calm and this makes you also vulnerable to rapid heart palpitations, increased uneasiness, etc. 

You can thus use some relaxation techniques which can be as easy as breathing with intent or focus.

During fits of anger, it is very natural to go away with our impulses and do something that we would later regret.

Thus, next time you feel yourself getting a bit agitated or feel the anger building up, try to pause, and take a deep breath.

Then hold that breath for seven seconds. Slowly let it out and feel yourself feeling a bit light.

The reason for holding it and not releasing it immediately is because, when you count those seven seconds by the use of your fingertips or even mentally counting them, you shall divert your mind. This will help you relax and be present in the moment.


So, a stoic philosopher would suggest that the correct way to deal with feelings of anger is to count the alphabets rapidly and focus on each letter. Continue to do this until you feel your mind has been off the topic that angered you. 

The idea is that you should take your mind or remove yourself physically away from the situation, or person that triggers you.

Lastly, the American Psychological Association advises that the correct way to deal or let go of anger is to get out of the current environment one would be restricted in or would be adding more to your anger. 

Try to engage in some of the above-mentioned relaxation techniques, make use of your free time to breathe with some focus if you cannot meditate or are unable to, watch something funny and try to laugh as hard as you can! 

For laughter is indeed the best medicine.

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What is a Self Love Mantra?

Self- Love.

When you first read this word, the first thing that would come to your mind would be, 


Isn’t that Narcissism, or being egoistic?


The difference between Narcissism and Self love is that, when you say you are a narcissistic person, that means you want the whole world to revolve around you. 

When you say you love yourself that means you want peace and happiness to revolve around you. 

See the difference?

Self love means accepting who you truly are. Self love also includes the dimension of physical, psychological and spiritual well being. When these three are in a perfect balance, you shall then feel a sense of calm.

There will be an increase in the level of  self acceptance. You shall also work towards growing towards being a better version of yourself, not indulge in unhealthy comparison with others. 

Maybe you feel your weight is too much, maybe you feel you do not have enough body weight, either way! self love | be yourself

You are perfect!

When you accept your true self, you accept that there are some setbacks, some destructive habits that you would have as a human. There are some mistakes in the past that hinder you from moving ahead, that makes you hate yourself or makes you feel angry at yourself for doing that.

I once read this quote somewhere, that the relationship that you have with yourself is the most difficult one.

At first I never understood why the author said that, it’s only later when I read the further explanation that I realised what he said was correct.

Look back in your past and introspect, wouldn’t there be so many things that you would still be blaming yourself for?

How would that make you feel?

Angry, hurt, guilty, shameful, etc?

In order to move past this to love yourself in the purest form, there is a need to remind yourself that you did the best you could at the moment in time. 

Rest, once you decide that you wish to take this journey of Self love, rather than trying to fit into the world’s ideal definition of love and perfection, you shall seek peace and happiness.

So what exactly is this Self love mantra?

Here are a few to start off with:

  • Embrace your past and forgive yourself for those mistakes:

I get it, this is not that simple to do. 

But hey! If you keep reminding yourself of those past mistakes you will keep entangling yourself in the past chain. 

Rather, accept those mistakes, embrace them. 

All of those mistakes, those drunk calls, those moments wasted upon someone who hurt you, did not make you weak! It rather made you stronger for you have survived that. 

This will not magically happen in one day, it would take practice.

Everyday before sleeping,  remind yourself that you forgive yourself for those mistakes you made in the past. You also forgive others who hurt you intentionally in the past. 

Another activity you can do is,  if you feel more comfortable in writing, then you can write a forgiveness letter to your past self. Or pray everyday and seek forgiveness from yourself.

This is an example of the prayer I say every night before going to bed,

“I forgive myself for all the mistakes I made in the past. Please give me the strength to embrace them and become a better version of myself.”

  • Practice Self Care :

This has to be one of the most important aspects if you wish to practise Self Love. 

You cannot love yourself, if you are not mindful about your own physical, emotional, sexual needs. 

Self care includes everything! 

Right from the food you would eat, to your skin care or night time routine, everything is important. 

An ideal self care routine includes making sure you eat healthy, protein rich food and juicy fruits. Cut yourself some slack from those sugary and refined flour breads, etc.

Try getting a body massage or a hot oil hair massage, this will help you relax and it feels very refreshing.

Try taking care of your skin and body. Have loads of water, try some outdoor activity, go out and get those running shoes on track!

Your physical body is the first thing that is noticed by yourself and others too. First impression is the last right?

Next, try regulating your emotions and sharing what you actually feel. 

Learn the art of saying  “NO” when you do not wish to do something. 

Be assertive!

It’s okay to say no and temporarily disagree with your friends feelings rather than saying yes and permanently breaking your own heart.

  • Accept yourself for who you truly are :

Ask yourself this question, do you truly accept yourself for who you truly are?

Self acceptance comes with allowing yourself to be how you truly are and being totally alright with it. It’s accepting that there are some negative aspects about you too. We are humans and it’s very natural to have them. 

It’s all about the way you balance them out. And work in the direction of adding more positive traits in your life, not negatives which would pull you down.

So go on, dance in the rain, write poems, bake cookies, ask that girl out who you pushed away to act cool. 

Life is too short! 

Go on and live the moment that makes you feel alive, but bravely face  the one that makes you weak too.

  • Include mantras during meditation :

When you include positive mantras or phrases during meditation, you are making way for those positive phrases to be fully ingrained into your unconscious mind. 

When meditating, try positive affirmations. Leave others for that moment, keep the focus upon yourself.

These are a few positive mantras you can inculcate next time you are meditating :

  • I am beautiful just the way I am.
  • I am worthy of all the good things in my life.
  • I accept my flaws, they make me strong too.
  • I am becoming a better version of myself everyday.
  • Each new day, I will allow more positive thoughts to surround me.
  • Try writing positive things about yourself / deeds  you have done.

Lastly, any self love practise is incomplete without actually introspecting about those positive deeds and acts you did in the past and jotting them down in your diary or journal.

You can start by mentioning simplest or simple deeds, such as you helped a lady in the way, made coffee for your S.O, and did the laundry all by yourself. 

Mention how proud you are that you accomplished these without anyone’s help, and rate your happiness, out of 10 for every task you did. This will help you see that there are so many tasks you do in the entire day, that too so quickly and efficiently which is unique to you!


As Robert Morley rightly said, to fall in love yourself is the first secret to happiness and I couldn’t agree less. For the more you fall in love with yourself and accept your true self, the more loving and accepting you shall be of others in your life.

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