Shambala Blog



Trust The Universe With Your Life

The burden of trust.

Where does the burden of trust lie?

Some trust in friends and others in their abilities. Each of them has had their fair share of experiences. Trust is earned and thereafter comes the responsibility of guarding it. You could be forced to watch the trust you have built for over 10 years come down in front of your eyes within days or even hours. What is more painful is how helpless you are when all your effort is undone.

The good news is that there is someone whom we can trust with everything that we have. We can even put our lives in its hands and nothing will go wrong. On the contrary, things might improve for the best.

The value of your life.

You cannot put a price tag on the value of your life. You will always trust yourself to take care of your interests before considering someone else to do it for you. Not even your closest friend has your best interests at heart compared to yourself.


However, there is someone else you can trust to take care of things for you. This person is all you have got. You can even entrust your life to her and go for a vacation. When you come back, it will be just as you have left it. It’s laughable, right? This is just how much this one friend is trustworthy. She is the Universe.

The trustworthiness of the universe.

  1.  Trust the universe to provide for you.

You can have issues with a ‘provider’ who provides nothing. The term provider will mean nothing. A reliable provider never fails even when things get tough. The thought that you are dependent on him will keep him on his toes.

Consider the example of how birds take care of their chicks. After they hatch, they remain in the nest, and the mother bird will fly to wherever she has to go to look for food for her young ones. She will only return to the nest when she has some food. After feeding her chicks, she will remain with them in the nest and warm them. Her role as a mother is very diverse yet she does it faithfully.

If this is how birds of nature take care of their young ones, how much so about nature herself? The air you inhale comes from trees that give it willingly to you. The food you eat comes from the farm or animals. Both of them are sustained by the universe to ensure that you do not go hungry. The rain from the clouds irrigates the farms to give you food and animals’ pasture.

You can trust the universe to sustain you. Be willing to till your farm or your computer for that matter. The plate at your table shall forever be full.

  1.  Put your faith in the hands of the universe.

Not once, not twice. You have at one point in your life felt like giving up on everything. You probably wanted to go to another world away from the tribulations that you are undergoing. Running away from problems has never worked. But also, you cannot sit around and plan to save the world

It is physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining to pursue perfection. You could end up making more mistakes and undoing the progress that you had made. Put your faith in the universe and she shall do you justice. Just as she takes care of you in matters beyond your understanding, so shall she take care of what you have trusted her to do.

Cast all your worries to the universe and doubt nothing. You shall manifest divine perfection. All you have to do is trust.

  1.  The universe has honest intentions.

It is a relief to finally meet someone with honest intentions. The world is full of imposters – people pretending to be who they are not. They do this for personal gain or whatever reasons they may have up their sleeves. However, things change when you come face to face with the universe in all her glory.

Nobody has control over the unknown. We cannot predict what will happen next even if we badly want this superpower. The single custodian of this superpower is the universe.

Take the example of how you watch a movie. You know the hidden intentions of one character (because the director lets you see it) but the fellow characters in the play do not know it. In this case, the universe watches our lives and everything that goes on. She can see what is happening on the other side that you are blind to. It is unknown to you but laid bare before her. Don’t you think she should be your best friend?

Believe in the universe and her intentions more than you do anything else. If you pay attention to her communication, you will be the happiest person ever.

  1.  The universe is all-knowing.

Knowledge is power. No matter how good your intentions are, it really does not help much when you are unknowledgeable. The one deserving your trust is the one who knows their way in and out. The universe has been there for all eternity. She has seen people before you who faced the exact trouble you currently have.

Depending on whether or not they relied on nature for answers, she was still there when they solved that dilemma. This is the knowledge you want from someone you trust.

Consider the example of people who apply for formal jobs. One comes to you with a promise to be up to the task and another comes with years of experience from a similar role. Who do you think will be hired?

Similarly, the rich experience from the universe is enough to earn your trust. When you trust her, she will walk with you through the valleys of life and its hills. You will emerge victorious at the other end. You can trust the universe to help you not commit mistakes and warn you of impending danger. This is the advantage of having someone by your side who knows it all.

The time you make this life-changing decision of trusting the universe with your life, doors you never knew about will open for you. It is like the feeling of being chauffeured by an experienced driver. Watch this space.

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The Rise and Rise of your Star

In context.

Let us put things in perspective first.

Do you know your star already?

Let me show you what it is – it is a gift from the universe in your life that directs you to your destiny.

Just as you admire the heavenly stars every night on a cloudless night, your star is equally beautiful. It sparkles and shines brighter in its galaxy. The universe in its wisdom gave everybody a star. This is an equal start-up point in the journey towards your destiny. Nobody is ahead of the other. However, some people have been able to “make it in life” because they know how to use the universe to draw closer to their destiny.

Identifying your star.

It could be a simple task or very difficult depending on what you are looking for. Although everyone has a star, they are not the same. The variations make everyone unique.

What is the gift that the universe has put in you?

Like Albert Einstein once said, “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” Identifying your star is the first step to making it shine brighter.

This is how to begin – what is your passion? There are things that you could be doing out of obligation while there are others that you do automatically without anyone pushing you to do it. This is your gift. The star that will shine light into your world as the universe wished in the first place.

The nature of your star.

Your star is unique and dynamic. It is beyond what you think you already know. Do not envy other people. Instead, look at your star and trust the path to your destiny that the universe has planned for you.

It is possible to use your gift as a life-changing opportunity both for yourself and others. If your star is singing, do not sing to yourself in the bathroom. Share with other people this light and let them enjoy what the universe has gifted you.

You know what to do with a lamp. It is put on a lampstand in the room to light it up. Nobody puts it under the bed, what use will it serve anyway?

How to use your star.

  1.  Service to others.

Nature plays a great role in the rise of your star. It is responsible for making it shine brighter. You already know of the good intentions of the universe towards you. It will put you on the map right where ‘things happen.’ Your light is only appreciated when there is darkness. Nature will put you somewhere where you will be needed the most.

This is a chance to use your gift to the advantage of other people. The next time they are in a similar fix, they know who to get – you.

  1.  Embrace adversity.

News about this star that shines a light on the lives of other people will spread fast. While some will want to be associated with you for all your goodness, others will want to dim your star thinking it will make theirs shine brighter. It does not, it only makes the room darker. Your star will rise above theirs when you do not engage in such fights.

Choose peace throughout, not revenge. When enemies of progress want to dim your star, join other stars and provide light to the universe. There is so much good in the world that is still unexplored.

  1.  Do not focus on the challenges.

It is difficult not to be concerned about things that give you sleepless nights. Sometimes we think that when we focus on solving our problems then they will go away. They do not. On the contrary, they seem to multiply and get more complicated.

Put all your focus on lighting up all the dark corners and your light will be appreciated more. It could be cloudy and your star is covered completely. This should not make you feel any lesser useful. The clouds will be blown by the wind elsewhere and you shall continue providing light.

  1.  Embrace your weaknesses and work on your strengths.

Everyone has their weaknesses. Even if you are physically disabled, know that you are abled differently. Your star is not disabled. It is as able as that of everybody else and you can make it shine brighter.

Do you know of the morning star? It got its name from how brightly it shines in the morning more than other stars. How adorable is it that people will praise it!

When the sun is up during the day, its brightness overpowers that of the stars. But this does not make them any inferior. Stars know when their light is needed most – at night and in the early morning. As small as they look, they produce their own light. This is their biggest strength.

You can equally use this example from the natural stars. Use your strengths to make your star shine brighter among your peers. It raises the stakes for you.

  1.  Read the times and seasons.

There is a time and season for everything. A time to be up and a time to be down. The universe knows this fact and awards those who do the right thing at the right time. Know when to compete fiercely and when to retreat to regain your strength.

Equally, know what to pursue and what to leave alone. You will preserve your energy for things that matter. The rise of your star is determined largely by how you align yourself with the seasons of the universe. You want to be on the right side of things and get rewarded for your effort.

In anticipation of greatness.

Many things will happen as your star rises. The first is how you will get more enemies. The second is that you may no longer know who your true friends are. In all this battle all along, remain true to your passion and commit to your cause wholeheartedly. We shall one day talk about the rise of your star to other people. 

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The Universe Wants You To Be Healthy

The first blessing.

The universe wants you to be healthy!

Nobody chooses to be sick or suffer any form of disability. It is circumstances that you have no control over that make you sick (or so you think). There are secrets of the universe to unlock good health. It is not the ordinary doctor’s prescription but one from the chief doctor itself – nature.

Is there anything you can do about it? Yes, there is. Pay attention to what the universe wills for your health. It is what was in the beginning before false teachings corroded the original doctrine about good health.

This is how important good health is – all aviation workers (including pilots), security officers (including the military), and many other professions undergo a mandatory health check-up at regular intervals. We cannot afford to have a sick pilot flying a plane carrying hundreds of passengers. Neither can we afford to have a sick officer on duty.

The elusive prize.

Indeed, good health has been elusive to very many people. Tens or even hundreds of people are on continuous medication. It is something they have come to accept as part of their lifestyle. But this is not what the universe wills for us. Nature intends that we live a healthy life because it has everything we need in abundance. However, there is a disconnection between man and nature. This is what has made good health very elusive.

This is not to trash any medical practices. No, not all. They do extremely well to keep our population healthy. There is only so much they can do. They only supplement nature’s medication and everything they do is drawn from it.

The road to health and wellness.

There is a thin line between being healthy and being well. One is a natural state (being healthy) and the other an induced state (being well). When you fall sick and go to the hospital, you get well. But when you follow nature’s prescription, you live healthily. It is great to be in either state.

There is a path to follow if you want to be healthy. Yes, it is a path because first it is narrow and secondly, not many people are willing to take that route. This is the direction that the universe wants us to take to manifest good health.

  1.  Proper dieting.

I guess you already know a lot about this. You must have already tried to observe proper dieting. Let us see if you are doing it the right way.

How often do you eat?

What dominates your diet?

We are not supposed to eat frequently. Maybe after every half an hour. Of course, unless it is advised by a doctor. Otherwise, you should schedule your meals – breakfast, lunch, and supper in that order. This gives you time to plan what to eat for the next meal.

Secondly, on what you eat, nature has plenty of options for you in the form of natural foods. Do not eat what is available for the sake of it. You will be turning upside down the universe’s plan for your good health. Nutritionists agree with the universe that there are benefits to good health only found in natural fruits and vegetables.

The secrets of natural foods.

Do you want to strengthen your immunity? Eat oranges, berries, bananas, grapes, and all those fruits you can find. The universe has put it in natural fruits so you will not have a problem being healthy. Even the medical vitamin supplements are drawn from these! Vitamin C is also responsible for growth, development, and repair of all body tissues.


Natural vegetables like lettuce, spinach, cabbage, pumpkin, cauliflower, asparagus, and all the others you know of can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of heart disease, prevent some types of cancer, and do so much more. The secret has always been with nature.

This option has always been with you all along. Accept the universe’s offer to restore your health by abiding with the right type of diet today.

  1.  Sunshine.

Sunshine is very good for your health. Contrary to popular opinion that sunshine is here to burn our skin and force us indoors or to cause famine, it is actually good for your health. The morning and evening sun rays are a good source of vitamin D. It is responsible for strong bones.

Staying indoors all the time deprives you of this opportunity. You may think that you are saving yourself the trouble of ‘scorching sun’ but you are in fact driving yourself to be unhealthy.

The universe is equally fair to us because the sun shines on everybody. None is discriminated against. This means that we can all have strong bones and all the health benefits from sunshine.

  1.  Hydrate frequently.

That water is life could not be further from the truth. Did you know? Our bodies are made up of 60% water! This is how important it is to hydrate frequently. There is plenty of water to drink thanks to the universe. It had our health in mind when it made water available anywhere – it wants you to be healthy.

Water is so important that you are advised not to fast for long without taking it because you may starve to death! The importance of water cannot be underestimated.

As medical advice, ensure you take at least eight glasses of water daily if you want to be healthy. Your kidneys will thank you for it and so will your digestive system. Water is as grease is to moving machines. Encourage yourself to drink a lot of water.

  1.  Heed to calls of nature timely.

We are all guilty of this. We want to postpone our call of nature by a minute or two because we are doing something else more important. Well, I have news for you. This is not the healthy lifestyle the universe wants for us. Calls of nature should be heeded in time so as not to stretch our body organs to their limits.

The universe wants you to be healthy because you deserve it. These are just a few telltale signs that should guide you to good health. Nature is looking out for you. You are one step closer to health and wellness. Listen to your body’s reaction and observe nature’s prescription for good health. 

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Secrets of Building an Everlasting Relationship

A happily ever after.

There is an excitement that comes with the thought of a forever with your loved one. The unexplainable sensation that runs down your spine when you think of sleeping and waking up next to the love of your life forever. 

Away with the stories of failure that you may have heard or read. You may think that sometimes happiness is not cast in stone but the truth of the matter is that it is the only guarantee that the universe gives you for being loyal. You can make the relationship with your special someone work out and awaken the dream of a happily ever after.

A perfect relationship.

Is there anything like a perfect relationship? Yes, there is though there is a warning here – do not approach this subject casually. Many people who have sought to build a perfect relationship have been unsuccessful largely because they did not pay attention to the cardinal laws of the universe.

Consider building an everlasting relationship like following the perfect recipe for a tasty meal. You should not skip a step because the meal may not turn out as tasty as the recipe anticipated. The point is to stay on track and use no shortcuts no matter how tempting they could be.

Roll up your sleeves for what is ahead.

  1.  Assemble the right ingredients.

What always appears at the top of any recipe is the ingredients for the meal you want to cook. Similarly, there are things you should have if you want to build an everlasting relationship. There is no one-fit-it-all formula but there is a consensus on what they are.

T.T.C – Trust, transparency, and commitment. It is finally out!

You must have these with the person you are relating with. There could be other factors that bring you together but again without these ingredients, your relationship is shaky.

Trust keeps away insecurities. When you trust your partner, you believe that they can never do anything to intentionally hurt you or jeopardize your relationship. It is the faith that you have put in them that matters the most.

Transparency is like cooking oil in your recipe. It lubricates the wheels of your relationship. Where difficulties emerge, it is how transparent you are with each other that will determine the course of the relationship.

Commitment is the icing on the cake. A relationship is beyond what you feel for each other. The question is whether you are committed to making it work between you. You should be ready to make compromises for the sake of your relationship with your loved one.

That somebody loves you is not a guarantee that the relationship will last forever. The only surety is whether both of you are in it for the long run and whether you want to see it work even when the tides are against you.

  1.  Light up the fire.

Although you may have all the ingredients, how can you cook without fire? What starts most relationships is the love they feel for each other. It is like a magnet that brings them together.

Do you remember when you first fell in love? As for myself, I do remember. I can say it is the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced. You become blind to a lot of things and your sole focus is on this special someone.

Fire cooks a meal. It makes the raw ingredients edible. This is exactly what love does in a relationship. It helps you overlook the failures and negativity of your partner. All you see is how perfect they are for you.

Love can grow and it can as well die. When it exits your relationship, then that could mean the end of it (but it shouldn’t come to this point). Do not focus on bigger things.

Sometimes it is the smaller things that matter the most. It could be remembering your partner’s birthday, or your anniversary, gifting them unexpectedly, complementing them whenever you meet, and making them feel special.

Nature has plenty of ways of showing its love for us. No wonder we never fall out of love with it. When you follow its example, it could be the perfect thing that has ever happened to you.

  1.  Take your time.

Do you always want things to happen instantly? Well, you may need to change this if you are looking forward to building an everlasting relationship with this special someone.

Do you know what they say about Rome? Rome was not built in one day.

Every relationship is a work in progress although they may be in different stages. It takes time to build an everlasting relationship and you have to be patient to walk through every step in this journey if you want to realize it. It is a meal whose recipe you have to follow religiously without skipping anything or finding some way around it.

  1.  Taste your meal before serving.

Temptations will always be a part of your life and you have to accept this fact and move forward with building this heaven of a relationship you treasure so much. As you cook, there is a time you will taste your food to see whether there is the right amount of salt, or if it is ready to be served.

A good cook will ensure that they taste the food first (just a little) so that they can be sure what they are serving. You cannot afford to serve bad food to your guests, can you?

Similarly, ‘taste’ your relationship. You do this by gauging the trials your partner and you pass through and their response toward them. Do they throw in the towel or they will still fight for what you share?

You add salt to food when it’s lacking or little. You do not throw away the food. The same applies to relationships. You have to spice things up with your partner even when they are almost giving up. Give them a reason to live and live another day to fight for your relationship.

A tasty meal.

What are the comments of the people who eat your food?


“Wow! Are you the one who cooked this?”

When you hear this, you know that you have hit the jackpot. Thereafter, you cannot hide your great cooking skills.

Similarly, an everlasting relationship cannot be hidden. Everyone will see it and will come to you to ask for your advice about this or that. This is the ultimate indication that you have finally managed to build an everlasting relationship. 

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Are Relationships Overrated?

From where it all started.

Relationship goes beyond knowing someone. It transcends to creating a deeper connection with this specific person. This is how a relationship starts. You know many people in different places but there is only a handful of them whom you have a relationship with and a couple more whom you want to start a relationship with.

Come to think of it, what is the reason you want a relationship in the first place?

Do you enjoy the one you are in already or do you regret being in it?

There is already an image in your mind of what an ideal relationship should look like and somehow you want to live up to these expectations. There is also some sort of marking scheme that you have developed upon which you will judge your partner. This is quite unfair because you already have a pre-determined decision about them. They have zero chances of proving themselves worthy of a relationship with you if they do not meet your standards. This is quite unfortunate!

Despite relationships being the number one cause of abuse between partners, gender-based violence, and other social ills, people still want to be in them. Those in abusive relationships do not want to quit and those not in any somehow want to have someone they can call ‘mine’.

Reasons for relationships.

  1.  The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).

This is a worrying trend. Since everyone is in a relationship, why not me? The fear of missing out is a leading reason why people are stuck in non-performing relationships. It is the nature of people to always want to identify with something they believe in. It somehow brings a sense of identity and belonging. FOMO is a wrong motive for being in a relationship.

How can you know that this is what drove you into the relationship that you are in? For one, you have absolutely no reason to be with this person. You do not relate and neither do you connect.

It is a case of convenience. Because this relationship is unfounded, it will one day collapse and reality will check in. It could be a little too late to make any meaningful decision because the damage will already have been done.

  1.  The Fear of the Unknown.

Fear is responsible for many things – even making people put up with below the bare minimum treatment in relationships. Relationships are not supposed to be tolerated but should be enjoyed by both partners.

However, many people fear being alone. They fear experiencing loneliness because they have never been in such a situation.

Be brave enough to leave unfruitful relationships. Why should you put up with something that leaves you vulnerable and wasted? The unknown is an uncontrollable variable because nobody has the means to mitigate it. This should empower you not to settle for anything less than you deserve because you believe in yourself.

  1.  In the name of ‘selflessness’.

Selflessness? What selflessness?

You cannot love other people more than the threshold you have put for yourself. It is human nature to be selfish for what goes out must first be full within. Drawing the example of the universe that sustains all our needs, you can only give what you have – remember you are part of the universe.

Sometimes people stay in a relationship that they think is perfect because they think it is an act of selflessness. True love starts from within. I dare say that what you love other people is the surplus of the love you have for yourself. It gets worse when you have a deficit in self-love.

The ultimate gauge of self-love is the ability to enjoy your own company. Feel alive within and thereafter you can spread this love to somebody else. Relationships never replace the ‘I’ identity.

  1.  Social media influence.

The power of social media grows each day. It is amazing the things one can do online without physical interaction. You can trade, engage, and interact with your clients, family, and friends online.

Do you know what they say about absolute power? Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Social media influence could drive you into a relationship you never wanted in the first place. It is not ‘cool’ to do things because your favorite celebrity does. What is okay to them is not necessarily okay with you, and there is no problem with that.

Sometimes the relationships that celebrities have is not even real. It could be chasing clout and yet you fall prey to such antics. It is okay to celebrate your lover online but it should not be the reason you are with them.

The original plan of the universe that your character matters the most can never be replaced by fame and money through social media.

  1.  The sense of being incomplete.

Are you asking yourself a question whose answer the universe has spelled clearly? Are you incomplete? Yes, you are. The sense of being complete or not was determined a long time ago when males and females were brought together.

But there is a catch here. A relationship is not the ultimate goal. It is good to be in a healthy one. It will add to your blessings and increase your chances of success. Two heads are better than one, right?

Be at peace with the universe and understand her purpose for you. Thereafter, you will be better placed to decide the right person to connect with – both physically and spiritually.

The final verdict.

The truth is that there is some form of spirituality attached to relationships. When you have your spirituality right then the manifestation should not be a problem. It will be wrong to put the cart before the horse (relationships before spirituality).

Are relationships overrated? Well, they are not. They continue to form an important part of what defines us. There is just a little secret you have to unearth first – include spirituality in your relationships. It will lead you to forming everlasting relationships with the right people.

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10 Ways to Quiet Your Mind Each Day

Do you find yourself constantly ruminating about some recent past event or mistake?

Do you feel that you are unable to accomplish a few tasks because you are not “in your zone”?

Have people commented that you seem scattered and not yourself, lately?

If you have answered yes, to any of these questions then you have come to the right place to quiet your mind.

Now to explain the working of our human mind, you can take an example of a sponge.

The sponge soaks all the water that surrounds itself, we humans too most of the time, end up soaking the thought, vibes, and energy of those who surround us. 

Do you know what happens when the sponge soaks more than its capacity? 

Firstly, it becomes, heavy

Secondly it starts to leak.

So what is the ideal way to let go of the excess?

Simple, you make sure that if it gets heavy then drain the access so that it has proportional level of water, ie, it soaks up to its potential. 

In a similar way, your racing thoughts too, contribute to feeling ”heaviness” and this makes it impossible for you to accomplish the task at hand. how to quiet your mind

The way one leaks here is, if you are doing a task, you would see that you have committed many mistakes or you are taking too much time to accomplish the task. 

Thus, once you acknowledge that you are having racing thoughts, are experiencing stress related to some future event or are engaging in rumination of past events, half of the job of quieting your mind has been achieved.

The important point is to be AWARE that your mind is working more than its capacity and then my friend we work upon quieting it.

Why is quieting your mind necessary?

If you do not then it starts interfering with your work performance, with your relationship. With a cluttered mind you will also find it impossible to fall asleep quickly or feel tired.

As Maria Konnikva rightly said, the most powerful mind is a quiet mind. It is the mind that is present, reflective, mindful of its thoughts and state.  It does not always multitask, but when it does, it does it with a purpose.

So here are ten effective ways in which you can quiet your mind everyday!

  1. Stop. Breathe. Repeat. 

By breathing I do not mean one that you are doing right now. This is so natural and automatic that you were not even aware of it, until you read this sentence, which is exactly what you have to do.

Remember how kids stick a cartoon label or sticker on almost everything right from their books to their folder, bags, etc? 

You can do the same thing, but in place of funky stickers, you can opt for a simple dot sticker, on the things you do. 

Say you have a habit of getting up for coffee every three hours or so, this is where you can stick the sticker upon the coffee mug.

This will serve as a reminder that every time you see this sticker, you are supposed to take three or four deep breaths. 

This will help you relax in the moment and be present in the moment. Go on and add these stickers to the everyday objects, eg, refrigerator, novel, diary.

2. Take a power nap!

A quick fifteen minute power nap is seen to be beneficial to calm down racing thoughts or to help charge up the body and the brain. A word of caution, try the focused breathing exercise, ie, focusing upon your inheration and exhilaration, while you take the nap. This will help you to ignore those unwanted recurring thoughts. You will truly feel recharged after the nap.

3. Be Mindful in the everyday things you do:

As one of the famous sayings goes, BE MINDFUL EVEN IF YOUR MIND IS FULL. 

A few everyday things  that we engage almost automatically include:

  • Walking from home to the office or to the station.
  • Typing on the keyboard
  • Checking, replying back to emails
  • Attending calls or greeting a client or guest, etc. 

how to quiet your mindMost of the time, our response and our engagement in them is quite automatic. 

Thus we do not pay attention to the way in which  “WE” accomplished the task/ activity.

Thus, next time you engage in any of the tasks,  observe how efficiently you have done it, and while performing the task, be present to your own bodily sensation, your breath, the other person’s response, listen actively, smile, etc. These will aid you to be present rather than doing them with an absent mind.

4. Get your jumbled thoughts upon paper :

This is what I do everytime I find myself getting affected by my racing thoughts.

I put them down on a piece of paper or write them in my diary. 

So, when you write anything on  paper, you are entirely focused on that writing activity. It helps you understand what it is that you are feeling, that is making your mind feel uneasy.

That way if you see that there are some recurrent thoughts or feelings that come up always, then you know which aspect you need to work on.

5. Go out and experience the colors of nature!

Nature has the solution to most of our problems. Thus anytime you feel worked up or stressed by the racing thoughts, go out for a walk to the nearest park, beach, etc.

While you are walking listen to those birds chirping, feel the wind touching your face. 

When you walk, observe the surroundings, if there is grass nearby, then try walking on the cool grass barefoot. This will help you feel rejuvenated! how to quiet your mind

6. Meet and communicate with an actual friend / human:

Ever since the outbreak of pandemic, there has been a significant increase in people experiencing anxiety and stress.

 This was mostly because they were unable to contact their close or loved ones or physically present with them. 

So a way you can decrease your anxiety and calm your mind, in case you feel it’s getting too much, talking to an actual human being helps. 

This is because, firstly, our thoughts may not always be correct about everything that we are thinking. 

Secondly when you meet the person, suppose your friend, you will be able to share your thoughts more clearly and can vent easily, rather than writing them down or keeping them with yourself.

7. Watch or read something different:

 So suppose you are stressed about the upcoming meeting with some foreign clients. You do not want to mess anything up, thus you keep rechecking the meeting room, your notes, the ppt, etc. This will make the situation worse. You will get more stressed.

In a situation like this, firstly stop!

And watch a two minute video of something funny, say Mr Bean, that would help you relax.

Or you can just meditate for 5 mins, before actually meeting the client or entering the meeting hall.

Or have some water and sit back on an empty chair and day dream that the meeting went amazing and they loved your presentation.

(PS: Daydreaming is linked with increased levels of creativity and is a sign of intelligence!) 

8. Make a Gratitude list :

When was the last time you were grateful for the things you have in life, right now?

 Did the question make you fumble?

If yes, then now is the right time to start practising a “gratitude list”, ie, things you are grateful for.

My gratitude list includes being grateful for such a supportive family, loving kids and a kind S.O. And I am also grateful that I have a healthy functioning body that aids me to work. These are small things if you see, but it’s always the small things that matter the  most.

9. Listen to relaxing music:

Research has shown that listening to relaxing music, such as the sound of flute or the sound of rain or waterfall, etc, have been found to have a calming effect upon our brain. By listening to them, the brain’s meditative state is activated, which then releases more dopamine into our system. Dopamine is nothing but the hormone that makes us feel calm and happy!

So, next time you wish to quiet your mind, try to listen to some relaxing music, or any mild instrumental music. 

10. Make your own morning mantra.

Morning mantra routine is no rocket science. It simply means that as soon as you get up, you shall remind yourself that today’s day will be good and you will achieve all the tasks that you have thought of. how to quiet your mind

You can make your own morning mantra, here are some examples:

  • Today I feel empowered knowing that I get mentally stronger with each new day. 
  • Today I am happy to see that I am working towards my goal in life.
  • Today I will say “YES” to all the things that make “ME” happy
  • Today I will say “NO” to the things that I do not wish to do, or make me “UNHAPPY”


Life will always give you many things to worry about, to stress about. There are times wherein you shall get affected by these and you shall experience chaos within. But there is always a ray of hope that shines brightly waiting to be found. Go ahead and find that light of yours, your centre of calm. You shall achieve it. For once you calm your mind, your soul shall guide you to the path of light!

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How to Let Go of Anger

Budhha had once correctly stated that holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, but you are the one who gets burned.

So what is anger?

Anger is a basic human feeling that is as natural as other feelings, such as happiness, sadness, joy, etc. 

Most of the time it is seen as destructive or threatening to oneself and others as well. This is because history has been a witness, in the fit of anger rulers have attacked other kingdoms only to watch their own fall back to dust.

The reason why there is a build up of anger  is due to two factors:

  •  One is due to your unexpressed feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc. upon some topic. This keeps getting built up.
  • The next are the environmental factors, such as some triggers in the immediate environment. 

For example, your partner refuses to communicate with you upon matters that are important to you. 

He shrugs it off every time you try to bring it to their notice. Now you would feel bad that they are doing so, but you fail to communicate that verbally. 

The result then is that one day when he laughs off the same topic, you are bound to burst out and get angry at him.

So is anger always bad?

Anger is not always seen as a bad emotion especially in regards to expressing your concern with standing up for yourself or the rights of others.

For eg, to say that the anger of African Americans during the time they were treated incorrectly solely upon their race, would be a stupid thing to assume.

 This form of anger is channelized in an acceptable way that it shall be used to benefit not only yourself (for standing against unjust treatment) but also others.

As Maya Angelou once correctly pointed out,

‘If you’re not angry then you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. And you use that anger, yes. You write it You paint it. You dance it. You march it, You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it’

Thus this kind of anger was used as a form of expression, not as a force of destruction.

When does anger become dangerous?

Anger can be dangerous when it hinders you from expressing what you want to, ie, it stops you from expressing your discontent or dislike. When you feel you are holding yourself too much from speaking about something, as seen in the example above. 

Think of a balloon, and the air you fill in it are the unexpressed thoughts and feelings. The more you are unable to express it, the more you are filling this balloon with air until it bursts by its capacity to intake that much air.

Anger can also become dangerous if:

  • If you find yourself getting into constant arguments or getting irritated with your partner, your family, friends, or office peers.
  • You are getting carried away by your impulses, ie, a small argument and you lose your temper.
  • Every time you feel frustrated about some situation or yourself, you tend to indulge in acts that could harm you or people near you.
  • You are unable to express your real feelings and this is making you feel very angry inside.

The reason why unexpressed anger can be a major cause of worry is that, if anger is left inside and not expressed in a healthy way, then there is a major chance you could be a threat to yourself and others.

Anger also leads to higher levels of hypertension, high blood pressure, and an increase in getting cardiovascular diseases. 

This is especially true for people who are unable to express their anger. People whose jobs are too stressful, for example, military personnel, bankers, health professionals, etc do complain how they are unable to express their anger in an appropriate manner.

As a Chinese Proverb has correctly mentioned, if you are patient in one moment of anger then you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. 

So let’s look at ways in which you can let go of your anger/deal with your anger in the correct form. 

Try to indulge in some physical Activity : 

This is the first thing you might have heard people say or do, every time they feel angry or feel a build of anger. 

Catharsis has indeed found it to be helpful to relieve you of symptoms of anger if you are looking for a short-term solution. But if you wish to let go of your anger, slowly, and find a way to deal with it effectively, then start exercising.

Do not immediately wear your running shoes and start running or take part in boxing classes. Take on a physical activity which you would enjoy as well.

Research has shown that running or even doing some kind of physical activity that would make you sweat or would exhaust you, will help you relieve symptoms of build-up.


If you are not a serious runner or jogger, then you can try some home exercises, such as a few sit-ups, planks, crunches, etc.

Express, Suppress and be calm:

This is the universally accepted way of dealing with anger. It means that one should be assertive in the way one communicates their feelings. You do not have to be passive or too aggressive about it, rather be assertive. 

An example would be, suppose you are out for an office party and everyone in your circle is drinking and you know that you do not drink.

 So when your colleague offers you a drink:

A passive reply would be, “Well, I don’t drink, but no worries, I will give it a try.

An aggressive response would be, “I don’t drink, why  are you offering this to me!?

An assertive one would be, “No, thank you, I do not drink”

The reason why this technique will help you is that if you are unable to voice your disagreement, you would resort to passive aggressiveness or would start acting in a hostile manner. Thus it is always better to be clear about what you want.

Suppressing means that you hold on to the anger that you would currently be feeling and then release it healthily or reasonably, rather than lashing out immediately.

Lastly, when you can assertively express your anger and can suppress it, and then channelize it in a better direction you will experience a feeling of calm.

 This means that you cannot only manage the way you react to external objects but it also means that you can regulate your internal way of looking at things that angers you. 

Retreat, Rethink and then React.

We cannot direct the wind while we are sailing, but we can adjust our sails, according to the winds. In the same way, we know that there are some things that people do that would make us angry, but that does not mean we have a right to hurt them or hurt ourselves too in the process. 

Thus, we can always make readjustments in the way we react whenever we are getting angry. 

So the next time you feel you are getting angry, 

Take a few steps back and stop doing whatever you would be doing. The reason why you need to retreat is so that you can calm yourself a bit and not make some impulsive mistake out of anger. 

It’s always okay to take some time and get yourself away from the situation so that you can rethink a better way to deal with the same situation. 

And then when you have found a better plan or way to deal with the situation you react.

Ask questions:

“Whenever there is anger there is some pain underneath” 

Identify what you feel angry about because maybe there is something that has hurt you or that keeps troubling you, you can do so by asking yourself a question. 

Here are a few ideal questions to help you.

  • What made me angry in the first place? (identify the trigger points)
  • Who is this person that made me angry? (identify the person, people attached)
  • Why am I angry? (identify the cause/ root )
  • What do I do about this anger building up in me? (come up with some actual solution to deal with it)
  • Where can I channelize my anger? (exercising, running, exhausting yourself)

Plan your Strategy:

Now the answers that you will get for the above-mentioned question, will help you focus on letting go of the anger that you have been holding. 

For eg, let’s say you realized that every time you are back from the office, tired, your wife makes it a point to start cribbing about how she starts immediately cribbing about how shitty that boss of hers is. You are already tired and worked up with your own work-life.

So, you will either tell her to shut up or ignore her. This will damage your relationship in the long term and also hurts your wife’s sentiments.

Instead, next time you feel the same way she is cribbing about her work life, ask her to pause, and kindly tell her you would like to quickly freshen yourself up. This way you are then ready for her rant. In this way, you will buy yourself some time to retreat and rethink and then react to your trigger points.

Learn some relaxation techniques:

Whenever you are feeling angry, it is very easy to lose your calm and this makes you also vulnerable to rapid heart palpitations, increased uneasiness, etc. 

You can thus use some relaxation techniques which can be as easy as breathing with intent or focus.

During fits of anger, it is very natural to go away with our impulses and do something that we would later regret.

Thus, next time you feel yourself getting a bit agitated or feel the anger building up, try to pause, and take a deep breath.

Then hold that breath for seven seconds. Slowly let it out and feel yourself feeling a bit light.

The reason for holding it and not releasing it immediately is because, when you count those seven seconds by the use of your fingertips or even mentally counting them, you shall divert your mind. This will help you relax and be present in the moment.


So, a stoic philosopher would suggest that the correct way to deal with feelings of anger is to count the alphabets rapidly and focus on each letter. Continue to do this until you feel your mind has been off the topic that angered you. 

The idea is that you should take your mind or remove yourself physically away from the situation, or person that triggers you.

Lastly, the American Psychological Association advises that the correct way to deal or let go of anger is to get out of the current environment one would be restricted in or would be adding more to your anger. 

Try to engage in some of the above-mentioned relaxation techniques, make use of your free time to breathe with some focus if you cannot meditate or are unable to, watch something funny and try to laugh as hard as you can! 

For laughter is indeed the best medicine.

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What is a Self Love Mantra?

Self- Love.

When you first read this word, the first thing that would come to your mind would be, 


Isn’t that Narcissism, or being egoistic?


The difference between Narcissism and Self love is that, when you say you are a narcissistic person, that means you want the whole world to revolve around you. 

When you say you love yourself that means you want peace and happiness to revolve around you. 

See the difference?

Self love means accepting who you truly are. Self love also includes the dimension of physical, psychological and spiritual well being. When these three are in a perfect balance, you shall then feel a sense of calm.

There will be an increase in the level of  self acceptance. You shall also work towards growing towards being a better version of yourself, not indulge in unhealthy comparison with others. 

Maybe you feel your weight is too much, maybe you feel you do not have enough body weight, either way! self love | be yourself

You are perfect!

When you accept your true self, you accept that there are some setbacks, some destructive habits that you would have as a human. There are some mistakes in the past that hinder you from moving ahead, that makes you hate yourself or makes you feel angry at yourself for doing that.

I once read this quote somewhere, that the relationship that you have with yourself is the most difficult one.

At first I never understood why the author said that, it’s only later when I read the further explanation that I realised what he said was correct.

Look back in your past and introspect, wouldn’t there be so many things that you would still be blaming yourself for?

How would that make you feel?

Angry, hurt, guilty, shameful, etc?

In order to move past this to love yourself in the purest form, there is a need to remind yourself that you did the best you could at the moment in time. 

Rest, once you decide that you wish to take this journey of Self love, rather than trying to fit into the world’s ideal definition of love and perfection, you shall seek peace and happiness.

So what exactly is this Self love mantra?

Here are a few to start off with:

  • Embrace your past and forgive yourself for those mistakes:

I get it, this is not that simple to do. 

But hey! If you keep reminding yourself of those past mistakes you will keep entangling yourself in the past chain. 

Rather, accept those mistakes, embrace them. 

All of those mistakes, those drunk calls, those moments wasted upon someone who hurt you, did not make you weak! It rather made you stronger for you have survived that. 

This will not magically happen in one day, it would take practice.

Everyday before sleeping,  remind yourself that you forgive yourself for those mistakes you made in the past. You also forgive others who hurt you intentionally in the past. 

Another activity you can do is,  if you feel more comfortable in writing, then you can write a forgiveness letter to your past self. Or pray everyday and seek forgiveness from yourself.

This is an example of the prayer I say every night before going to bed,

“I forgive myself for all the mistakes I made in the past. Please give me the strength to embrace them and become a better version of myself.”

  • Practice Self Care :

This has to be one of the most important aspects if you wish to practise Self Love. 

You cannot love yourself, if you are not mindful about your own physical, emotional, sexual needs. 

Self care includes everything! 

Right from the food you would eat, to your skin care or night time routine, everything is important. 

An ideal self care routine includes making sure you eat healthy, protein rich food and juicy fruits. Cut yourself some slack from those sugary and refined flour breads, etc.

Try getting a body massage or a hot oil hair massage, this will help you relax and it feels very refreshing.

Try taking care of your skin and body. Have loads of water, try some outdoor activity, go out and get those running shoes on track!

Your physical body is the first thing that is noticed by yourself and others too. First impression is the last right?

Next, try regulating your emotions and sharing what you actually feel. 

Learn the art of saying  “NO” when you do not wish to do something. 

Be assertive!

It’s okay to say no and temporarily disagree with your friends feelings rather than saying yes and permanently breaking your own heart.

  • Accept yourself for who you truly are :

Ask yourself this question, do you truly accept yourself for who you truly are?

Self acceptance comes with allowing yourself to be how you truly are and being totally alright with it. It’s accepting that there are some negative aspects about you too. We are humans and it’s very natural to have them. 

It’s all about the way you balance them out. And work in the direction of adding more positive traits in your life, not negatives which would pull you down.

So go on, dance in the rain, write poems, bake cookies, ask that girl out who you pushed away to act cool. 

Life is too short! 

Go on and live the moment that makes you feel alive, but bravely face  the one that makes you weak too.

  • Include mantras during meditation :

When you include positive mantras or phrases during meditation, you are making way for those positive phrases to be fully ingrained into your unconscious mind. 

When meditating, try positive affirmations. Leave others for that moment, keep the focus upon yourself.

These are a few positive mantras you can inculcate next time you are meditating :

  • I am beautiful just the way I am.
  • I am worthy of all the good things in my life.
  • I accept my flaws, they make me strong too.
  • I am becoming a better version of myself everyday.
  • Each new day, I will allow more positive thoughts to surround me.
  • Try writing positive things about yourself / deeds  you have done.

Lastly, any self love practise is incomplete without actually introspecting about those positive deeds and acts you did in the past and jotting them down in your diary or journal.

You can start by mentioning simplest or simple deeds, such as you helped a lady in the way, made coffee for your S.O, and did the laundry all by yourself. 

Mention how proud you are that you accomplished these without anyone’s help, and rate your happiness, out of 10 for every task you did. This will help you see that there are so many tasks you do in the entire day, that too so quickly and efficiently which is unique to you!


As Robert Morley rightly said, to fall in love yourself is the first secret to happiness and I couldn’t agree less. For the more you fall in love with yourself and accept your true self, the more loving and accepting you shall be of others in your life.

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What is a Karmic Relationship? Signs you are Into One

We have all heard about Twin Flame Relationships and Soulmate connection, one type of relationship that is almost always associated with these two is the KARMIC RELATIONSHIP.

It is often mistaken for a Twin Flame connection, due to intensity and the great deal of ups and downs that it brings along. 

But Karmic Relationships are famously known for their codependency, their heightened levels of anxiety, and ambiguity they bring along.


In order to understand Karmic Relationships, understand the term KARMA.

karmic relationship

It comes from the Sanskrit word, KARMA which basically means your actions, work and deeds. This is not limited or restricted to your actions, behaviour, ie one that can be observed, but also those involuntary ones. 

This includes your thoughts, your feelings and emotions. 

Your Karma includes parts of unlearnt or unfinished lessons from Past Lives.

Think of Karma as a boomerang, you are the owner of the boomerang, no matter how far away you throw, it is bound to come back to you.

Thus the phrase, Karma is a bitch, for it always returns back until you have understood its importance and learnt the lessons in your life.

It is the same way, one can view KARMIC RELATIONSHIPS.

They are relationships that are meant to come into your life so that you can acknowledge your past wounds and fulfill your karmic lessons.




They are usually romantic relationships that seem like fairy tales “LOVE ON FIRST SIGHT” relationships they are filled with DRAMA, garlanded by RED FLAGS, and supported by OBSESSION.

I often use the analogy of the Tarantula Hawk Wasps to define a Karmic Relationship’s initial setoff.

So the Tarantula Hawk Wasp preys on Tarantulas who mean no harm to the wasp, but for the wasp it is a brilliant carrier of their future offspring or a great prey.

So it simply hooks onto the nearest tarantula that is minding its own business and silently injects its venomous sting onto the tarantula.

The reason why this analogy is used, for the way the tarantula after the electrifying sting is paralysed is the same way, one is paralysed after one meets their KARMIC PARTNER.

It’s like your world revolves around them, you are utterly and completely mesmerized by their aura, their personality, they are basically EVERYTHING TO YOU, that too just in a glance.

But usually relationships like these do not last very long, for there is a lot of drama and conflict involved, usually these misunderstandings do not get resolved quickly, yet one finds it difficult to walk away from these relationships, until the karmic lesson is learnt.

So, how does one know if one is in a KARMIC Relationship?


There is an Instant Spark between you two:

Remember the analogy of the wasp and tarantula. In similar ways, your union with your Karmic Partner, would be startling, would be the most intoxicating first meet you’d ever have.

As though you recently discovered your heart could beat faster than your Rolex watch, your stomach could cater not only butterflies but the entire zoo.

You would feel like this is the moment you had been waiting for your entire life. You both connect almost immediately over the most mundane and random topic.

You have just met them, yet it feels like you have known them since ages.

I call it the MAGICAL CONNECTION moment.

Everything about them is PERFECT:

Maybe it’s their ocean blue eyes that speak volume to you, as though they are meant to quench your soul’s karmic thirst even though they are plain blue.

Maybe it’s the way their smile is so intoxicating, even though they have crooked teeth. 

Maybe they are ignoring you, but HEY! they are so busy with their work, they are so career oriented!

Everything about them seems so PERFECT to you.

The more you look at them, the more poetic and mystical you become  and try to mould their wrong doings in your castle of perfection.

This is a classic characteristic of the Karmic Relationship :

You are bound to engage in Confirmatory Bias, ie, you will seek out or pay attention to only those details or aspects about their personality that would tend towards confirming you and your karmic partner are meant to last forever.

A friend of mine reckoned to me, that isnt it similar when we actually fall in love? 

Like every little quirk of our S. O seems perfect to us or awesome?

There is a difference, when you truly love someone, you ACCEPT that they have certain setbacks, certain issues to work on, there are some things they do which you do not like etc.

You accept the person however they are and DO NOT TRY to overlook their wrong doings as some Fairy tale Perfection standards.

This brings me to the next point:

You are obsessed with them:

Often in Karmic Relationships there is a very great possibility that you end up being obsessed with your karmic Mate and NOPE, NOT IN A HEALTHY WAY.

It’s like your day begins with their thoughts, you are constantly thinking about their likes. dislikes, their favourite dish, color. 

You have probably stalked their social media handles, know their best friends, their close mates, their profession, etc.

There is an unhealthy obsession with them, it is unhealthy, for it hinders you from completing your daily task, your work, or even enjoying your life.


karmic relationship

For you would find yourself thinking about the next strategy you’d opt to text them, greet them ,etc. Or try to resolve their issues, for you would assume they are a part of you, thus if they feel sad or shitty you would want to rectify it, even though they would not have asked you for help.


It is a Relationship filled with Ambiguities:


Karmic Relationships are famously known for their ups and downs, mostly downs.

Many unresolved issues would often rise up and there will be many fights, arguments and your worst fears would often be subjected to be a part of the main highlight.

 It would be a never ending cycle, that would have no end point.

You would observe that the minor inconveniences would become major topics for conflicts. It would be as though they are never ready to accept you for who you are, but would want to see you from their glasses.

That no matter how many times you would talk to them or meet, you would feel there is still something that is missing. That they are misunderstanding what you meant to say or that they take offense or take things personally.

Maybe you are a person who is able to communicate their feelings and emotions in a healthy / logical manner but with your karmic partner, communication would be impossible, especially if you would try to create a healthy communication path.

There would also be confusion and  uncertainty with your stand in their lives, are you both just friends? 


More than that? 

Sex buddies? 

There is no clarity.

You find it difficult to get out from this relationship:


The reason why it would be difficult to walk away from these relationships is because there would always be something or the other that would make you come back to them. 

It’s like no matter how much ever they would hurt you, belittle you or your feelings, like a moth to the flame you would be attracted to them again and again.

Well the reason is that until you do not resolve or learn the Karmic Lesson that this relationship is trying to teach you, you will keep getting hurt.

This is what you need to realise, that the reason you would find it difficult to walk away from this relationship is because you tend to cling onto the last hope that maybe they would change, maybe they still love you, etc. All of the maybes would hold you back from healing.

Thus these relationships have a start point but the end point is dependent upon our realization about our own selves and to heal from those unhealed issues.

You would feel that soul mates relationships too are difficult to walk away from but in a soulmate connection, there is mutual respect and mutual agreement for helping both the parties involved to grow and evolve as a more matured or spiritually healthy human being. 

The opposite takes place in Karmic one, you are more likely to poke the others insecurities, or keep pushing their buttons( In a toxic way)



So once you realise that your Karmic relationship is meant to come into your life so that you can fulfill those karmic lessons and also heal from those things that have wounded you, you shall successfully lead your way through the Karmic Relationship.

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arguing couple

The Reason Why People Keep Attracting Toxic Partners

Ever wondered why is that your good friend, someone who is so helpful, someone who is successful in his career, doing so well health wise, has a partner who is ultra draining and borderline toxic?

Ever heard your friend share that her serial cheater girlfriend and he argue a lot and heard the classic phrase, “You’re delusional, believe whatever you want!”

A friend whose toxic boyfriend keeps hitting her, yet she stays in the relationship for she feels that HE LOVES HER?


So what do I mean by the term Toxic? 

When you say something is toxic you mean that this particular thing is dangerous or would harm you, either physically, emotionally or mentally.

It means that dealing or even interacting with aspects related to it, would either be too tiresome or drain your energy out.

“Toxicity is like a spider’s web, you cannot see the strings nor would you anticipate you would fall into it, but once you do, it sticks right onto you and it is very difficult to remove this venom from you.”


  • They give very amazing first impressions:

First impression is the last impression, right? They would seem to be the most chivalrous, humorous, successful people you would ever come across. It’s like as soon you have met them they say that you are their best friend, soulmate, etc. toxic relationship

  • They see themselves as victims:

Right after you have met them, they will bombard you with their sob stories, that their boss is crazy, is purposefully trying to demean them, or maybe it’s their ex who is stalking them, etc.

 It’s as though they would wish to gather pity or attention. But hey, they are smart people. They won’t do it directly, it’d be very subtle, almost as though they did not mean to point it out, but it just happened so, “ACCIDENTALLY”

  • You are trapped / Hooked.

This is the best stage for the toxic partner, it’s this stage that gives the kick of DOPAMINE release. They are very smart people, the initial few months or weeks into the relationship, they would try to understand your quirks, your dislikes, your trigger points, things that upset you or make you happy. 

They’d know everything about you in a short span of time. 

Then they would provide you aid, maybe your ex couldn’t be satisfied in bed, but your toxic partner would give you the best pleasure you could ever receive in this lifetime, would cuddle with you and provide you with a hearing aid later.

For hey, they are masters, they have made a mental map of the way the relationship would go ahead.

Next comes the stage, wherein they would slowly start showing off their true signs:

Oh so you didn’t listen to what I said? I wont have sex with you.

Do the dishes before I am home, or else I won’t pay for your expenses.

Once the toxic partner has hooked you / made you dependent upon them then they know that they have a control over your thoughts, your mood everything.

This is the time they would start cajoling you into acting into the way they would want you to.

In the beginning it would be only a subtle form of demeaning jokes or belittling you, but later it would turn into direct comments passed upon your personality, question your sanity, insult you, abuse you.


You give them a boost of  “Vitamin E”

Just a parasite needs to suck the life out of their host, to sustain their life. 

Toxic people survive by sucking out your “EMPATHY” relationship goals

The simple reason? They have none of it.

To be a person who is spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy and non threatening the most essential tool one would need is EMPATHY

To be able to connect with a person on a genuine level, you need to share some form of empathy so as to feel what they would be going through and that if they feel hurt or sad you make it a point to not hurt them intentionally..

If you are a Natural Empathetic person, chances are that for every wrong drawing there, you would understand their view point.  If they would bail out on you, they would understand they have some work, etc.

This is what gives them the ego boost and makes them feel they can lie to you how much ever they would want, for you WOULD UNDERSTAND THEM.

We accept the love we think we deserve : 

This is where your childhood experience is of utmost importance. If as a kid you were loved and adored and were given the freedom and the space to grow to evolve as your own self, then the kind of love / partner you would attract would be on the similar lines and your energy too would manifest in the same way.

But, if suppose as a growing kid, you were emotionally neglected by your parents, you were left to fend for yourself and you didn’t not receive enough affection or support from them, then you are likely to be a person who would try to get that attention from others, this could also mean from toxic people for they are like hungry wolves can smell the blood of a lonely sheep miles away.

If you were brought up in a family that constantly needed you to prove your worth or parents who would emotionally blackmail or were abusive, there is a chance you are likely to be a person who would do anything in your strength to please them, or to not let them leave you.

This is true even for your intimate relationship pattern.

You are a habitual fixer:

Now fixing does not mean you would fix their broken pump or tires, something even more deadly → THEM.

If you are a person who believes that the GOOD GIRL CHANGES THE BAD BOY, this is where you would find yourself attracting men who are abusive, who are borderline alcoholic or addicted to drugs, or maybe they are a bully. Yet you feel there is some “Good “ Part in them that can be reawakened by your sweet words and caring face.

You simply love it too for you are the same:

This is the most common reason as to why people attract toxic partners. 

A Friend of mine, practicing law,  has a history of attracting toxic men. 

Initially I thought that maybe it’s the men, they are the ones who just wanna hurt her, are toxic and wanna hurt her, one of them has even slapped her multiple times, her reason?

I love him, plus not like I have not done the same to him. relationship goals

Many times, we ourselves have traits which are unhealed,  maybe the idea of love that we have is the one that keeps pushing our buttons and hurts us, for hey, in this digital age of the more the better, we would feel that the more they love us, the more they are bound to hurt us.’ 

Another reason is that, we too love the attention the sympathy others give us (especially the opposite gender) thus we are bound to indulge in any sorts of emotional manipulation, ( Consciously or unconsciously). For eg:

  • I feel so alone my boyfriend is out of town, but your company makes me feel so safe
  • My girlfriend never believes anything I tell her, this is why I am sharing this with you. 
  • My boyfriend is always so busy for me, but you being here listening to me makes me feel so happy.


Toxic Partnerships can be too draining and also the one that could shatter our self esteem, and also the love and respect we had for ourselves. Thus what is important is that one should be mindful and aware of our own energy and vibe and to select the partner who complements not only our present but also our future and not someone who would hurt us purposefully.

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